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Whenever I approach her about having too many dogs or the mess she instantly becomes argumentative and defensive. I hired movers and they refused to load the truck because they couldn’t bear the thought of setting foot in her home. I just moved nearby from out of state to find urine and feces all over the floors. Sadly, I just realized a week ago that she has a serious problem. Smart, resourceful, and worked her ass off as a single parent to make sure I never went without. Your concerns about the role you want a sperm donor to play in your family’s life are deeply important, and you absolutely should not proceed with any appointments until you know that you and your wife are on the same page. What if you and your wife separate? Would your brother seek visitation? Would your wife ask him for child support? What if your brother sees himself as your child’s real father and insists on becoming a permanent third member of your marriage? It doesn’t sound as though the three of you have discussed any of these questions, and “hoping for the best” is a pretty risky way to embark upon artificial insemination, especially involving a sibling. Many states have different laws about the establishment of paternity, and if you’re already feeling at odds with your brother and your wife, I’m deeply concerned for your future. This is a decision that could have long-lasting legal consequences for all of you, including any children that would be born from your brother’s donation.
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Before you even consider using a known sperm donor-especially a family member-you need to consult with a family law attorney.